a plane ride
by Lustig Morder
Summary: Yeah, so when the author gets put into his own story about Jasmine breaking up with Aladdin and a bunch of Disney characters going to the South of France to see Belle's funeral, and they all take a plane to get there, you know it's gonna be weird, right?
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Well, here's de story, written be me, myself, and I. ;)

Also, uhh... yeah this is my personal 'I got so bored any writing might be able to help me right better later' story.

* * *

It was a rather nice and quiet day in the great city of Agrabah. The never seen before and probably non-existent birds were chirping, the clouds that are almost never there unless it's night-time were there, those last two things that were said before didn't really make sense, but hey, maybe the writer is high again.

Aladdin woke up, wiping his eyes groggily. "Hey Jasmine, could you go get me something to drink?"

He then opened his eyes and saw that she wasn't there, and that a note had been left at her spot. He decided to read it.

_Dearest Aladdin,_

_You are probably wondering where I am, or you are thirsty and have probably asked me to go get a drink before even realizing I was gone._

'Damn, she's good.'

_I have decided to leave the country, to go and attend the funeral of my friend Belle, and take her title as prettiest princess. __While I'm gone, I've left you in charge of the entire kingdom. I know that it was never my authority to give someone else power, but let's face it my father is a dumbass. So, if you have any questions, you're on your own. I've taken Genie with me because... uh... I don't know let the author think up an explanation._

Aladdin gave a questioning look at the fourth wall of the room.

Uh, maybe it was because of... ah shit, what could be a good excuse. Let me console with Kegs on this...

...

Ok, maybe Eden was over there, and they wanted to go on another date.

"Really?"

That or maybe... maybe he just felt like traveling with a familiar face, you know how boring Agrabah can be, right?

"Uh, yeah sure I guess."

Good, good. Oh yeah, and we probably shouldn't do this breaking the fourth wall thing too much ok?

"Why?"

Then the fourth wall was destroyed down and reduced to rubble, by a giant T-Rex.

"What the heck!"

Yeah, once the fourth wall is broken, any bizarre shit can happen, so... yeah, let's avoid that. I mean out of context stuff like a T-Rex in the desert could really get annoying.

"True."

Ok, finish the letter would ya?

Aladdin continued to read.

_Anyway, blah blah, make sure to keep the place in one piece when I return. Also, even though I don't want you to follow me, I'm going to tell you exactly where I'll be, just so I know you won't follow me. I'm saying this because, I want to break up with you, and this seemed like the easiest and probably most pointless way to do so._

"Darn, she's a tricky one."

Uhh, you're joking right?

"Hm?"

Nothing.

_I'll be at the new airport that just opened and only has one plane flying in a bunch of random directions. It's actually right next to our house, they built it overnight. Really quiet, weren't they?_

Aladdin then looked through the giant gaping hole that once was a wall that had its own interesting back story we'll never get to and nobody will care about. He immediately saw an airport. Yeah, bet you thought I was gonna put an adjective in front of the airport, but nope. Getting lazy I guess.

**Oh for God's Sake, would you just tell a story and stop your stupid mumbling!**

Shut the f*ck up Kegs, this is my story, go write your own!

**I'm just making sure that this story doesn't turn out to be sh#t!**

Hey would you stop putting weird symbols in the middle of curse words, it makes you look like a pansy.

**Just shut up, and continue the story!**

Fine, fine... dick.

Anyway, Aladdin went and got his stuff. He decided to go after Jasmine.

"I can't believe she wouldn't invite me to a funeral. I _make_ those things! You can't spell funeral without fun!"

Aladdin walked past Iago, Abu, and the tiger whose name I was too lazy to look up.

"Ok, you guys are in charge while I'm gone."

Aladdin left the three in the room. Iago looked around, finding nothing to do.

"So what do you guys want to do?"

The two animals shrugged.

"Oh, Aladdin left, did he?"

The three turned around to see Chaos, the ancient God of Mayhem that looked like someone had spray painted a cat and stapled wings to his back. Hey that kinda rhymed.

**SHUT UP!**

Fine, let's go back to Aladdin.

He was walking ever so slowly-

**Ok, that's it. YOu are not telling this story, alright! You don't just communicate with the characters and-**

(Oh holy crap he's so boring.)

**-that will get old real fast! And another thing-**

(Is he still lecturing? Oh my God, this is torture!)

**-I mean, this does look a lot like one of his stories, do you want to be compared to him! How long have you been zoned out!**

(Oh crap, he asked a question. How to respond?)

Uh yes, very much so, indeed.

**Oh dear lord, I had a feeling this would happen, that's why I bought the red button.**

Red button?

**Red button.**

Those are never good things, are they? They only spread misery or explosions it seems?

**Basically true.**

Hm. So, I'm going to press it.

**Go right ahead.**

(One red button press later)

Two men were now standing inside of a decent sized plane, each wearing a stewards outfit.

"What in the hell? Oh so this is what the red button does."

The man had short, black hair, brown eyes, a slight tan, and was a slight build.

"Why is he even going into that, people could just use my profile pick?"

"Wait," said the other man, "who is writing the story now?"

The second man had medium length brown hair, with green eyes, slightly more pale skin than his companion, and even more slight build.

Lustig shrugged, but also grew a confident grin. "Who knows? But hey, at least you can't keep bitching about it."

Kegs sighed. "Did you ever stop to think how we'll get out of here?"

Lusig lost his grin, and now looked crest-fallen. "Didn't quite think of that. But, how about this, let's just get through the story I was going to write, and then after that, we can worry about lesser stuff, like getting back to our reality with all of our loved ones and such and such.

Kegs slapped his forehead. "Right. So how was this story supposed to go?"

Lustig put his hand to his chin, thinking hard. "I don't know, I was just going to write whatever came to my mind."

"WHAT! How are we going to end it then!"

Just then, a young woman wearing blue pants and a blue bra walked in. "Excuse me, is this the plane that goes to the south of France?"

Lustig nodded, and Jasmine went to the bathroom.

Kegs looked to Lustig questionably. "South of France?"

"Yeah, don't you remember, Belle died."

"Exactly how did that happen?"

"Uh, hmm. I guess we'll find out when we arrive there."

Kegs facepalmed yet again.

"This is going to be a long flight."

Lustig put his hand on Kegs shoulder. "Hey, at least it'll only be us, and Jasmine, and eventually Aladdin."

Just then, a bunch of random Disney characters came in, all wanting to go to the south of France. A good amount wanting to go due to the funeral, but some just because they had heard it was a nice vacation spot.

"Boy are they gonna be disappointed, right Kegs? Kegs?"

Kegs was glaring at Lustig. "You'd better take you're hand off of me, or I'll be tempted to rip it off and beat you to death with it."

Lustig calmly removed his hand. "You're being over-dramatic. This won't be so bad."

Kegs punched Lustig in the face, making him fall to the floor.

Lustig got up, rubbing his head. "Oh, hai everybody. How are you?"

Most of the passengers were waiting patiently in their seats. There were about thirty all-together.

"We'll just be waiting for the pilots to get ready, and then we'll be ready to take off."

Kegs walked to the cockpit, and then walked back.

"Uh, who were the pilots supposed to be?"

Lustig went wide-eyed. "You mean, no one is in there?"

"Are you serious? We don't even have pilots!"

"Well I was gong to think some up, but then you had to go and interrupt!"

Aladdin, who had just made it on, walked up to the two.

"Excuse me, sorry to interrupt-"

Lustig bitch slapped him, and he fell. Just then Jasmine came out of the latrine, stepping over Aladdin's body without eve noticing he was there.

"Excuse me, which seat was mine again?"

Kegs reluctantly went to show her the seat. As he was doing so, Lustig spotted the red button again.

"Hm, well, there isn't a don not touch warning, so I'm sure no one will get mad."

Lustig pressed the red button, again.

* * *

Ah, those stories you write when you're bored and can't write something decent for the life of ya. Anyway, special thanks to the other voice in my head :3

And... if there are any pilots out there, we'd be much obliged. You don't even have to know how to fly a plane, but me and Kegs just don't want to do it! So, anyone? Pwease! Hell, I'll even except people I dislike greatly!


	2. Oh hai Vrel, hai Mykklaw

A/N: Ok good, we found pilots. Otherwise the characters would be pissed and the red button wouldn't be doing its job.

* * *

Lustig pressed the red button.

"Ok, ok. We heard that last chapter, let's see what my pressing the button does already."

Aladdin got off of the floor. "Who are you-"

Lustig smacked him back down again as a bright light emerged from the cockpit.

"Wow, I just realized how weird that word sounds. I can only imagine how drunk the man who made the name for that was."

Kegs joined Lustig.

"Well, what are we going to do?"

Just then, the intercom went off. A female's voice was heard throughout the plane.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we'll be taking off shortly here, please fasten your seatbelts. Our stewards will give their names and once we reach a safe altitude they will be able to move about the cabin. You will be able to purchase snacks and the sort for money. Don't worry about what kind of money it is, we except everything, except for discover cards and checks."

A random voice came from the passengers. "Damnit!"

"After they introduce themselves, we'd like one of the stewards to please come up here, _Lustig!"_

Lustig and Kegs looked at each other. Lustig looked impressed. "Wow, you don't see many female pilots nowadays do ya?"

"What the hell! I thought there weren't any pilots."

Lustig shrugged. "Yeah."

"Did you do anything? Did you get back some control of this reality?"

Lustig shook his head. "Nuh uh. All I did was press a button."

Kegs sighed and decided to go to the mike. Lustig followed him, wondering what he was doing.

"Hey Kegs, watcha doin?"

"I might as well do as the voice told us to."

Kegs turned the device on, which was in the other room, and his voice went over the intercom. Lustig stood in front of everyone.

"Good, uh... morning passengers. Thank you for flying with us here at-"

Kegs looked at his shirt to see the logo '_LM Enterprises"_

"LM, I am Kegs and the man before you is Lustig. Just so you get to know us, Lustig is a Scorpio, he enjoys long walks on the beach, and he has never been laid."

Lustig turned to glare at Kegs, who smiled with mirth.

"And don't buy into the 'it's by choice' or, 'I'm awiting for the right woman' bullcrap."

The guests were either a bit startled, or laughing with Kegs. Lustig blushed a deep red, thinking about how he was going to kill Kegs.

"Now, since the probability of us crashing is pretty damn high, let me tell you about the flotation devices under your seats. Truthfully I don't get that. Only about 1 out of 5 planes hit water. Most of em either get the mountains or buildings filled with poor saps."

Lustig kind of wanted to laugh, but he decided not to since most of the people looked confused and disgusted.

"Also, seatbelts. To fasten... oh hell if you don't know how to do that, I'll just have virgin boy come over to you and latch it for you. He'll also dangle some keys in front of your face because you're probably a moron."

Most of the people looked pissed, but Lustig let out a chuckle at the last statement.

"Most of all folks we'd like you all to have a nice day, so don't complain or start bitching, because then you're ruining my day. As for the snacks, we have chicken, peanuts, and the mold that grows on both of them. Have a nice day. The pilots are about ready to shift into gear, but just remember, shift happens."

All of the passengers suddenly strarted smiling or laughing. Lustig was extremely confused. He went over to Kegs, who turned off the device. Lustig was smiling as he questioned Kegs on his choice of words.

Kegs shrugged. "I gotta be honest, there are a lot of people... and non-people in here that I'm not fond of, in fact I'm looking at one of them. So I figure, who gives a crap what I say, I'm going to be trying to get the hell out of here anyway."

"No, I mean that last part, that wasn't funny at all!"

"Yeah, well, just so those guys don't start b*tching, I did what I was taught by Ted Stryker."

"What's that?"

"You can say anything you like over an intercom, as long as the first part is a warm greeting, and the last part is a family friendly joke."

"Huh, Ted Stryker taught you that?"

"That, or it was a hobo that looked a lot lke him. I saw him in an alley way so it could've been either or."

Lustig nodded. Kegs then looked over to the door to the cockpit. "Maybe you should go talk to the new pilots. Tell them I said hi, or f*ck you depending on who it is."

Lustig nodded, and walked to the cockpit.

Kegs then noticed Aladdin was still on the floor. He lifted him up and sat him down in the room with the intercom.

"Hm, it's missing a little something..."

Then Kegs noticed a red button on the door. It hadn't been there a while ago, or was it?

Kegs, out of curiosity, pressed it. Then a marker appeared out of thin air, floating in front of him. Kegs immediately knew what to do. As the saying went, one should never pass out, when there's markers about.

Kegs drew on Aladdin's face, only to hear a cough noise. He looked up to see Lustig, a young woman, and a young-ish man wearing pilot suits.

The woman spoke first. "I always thought Lustig was the immature one."

"Oh, hai Mykklaw. Hey vrelly. You guys the pilots?"

They both nodded.

Vrel spoke first, with an air of pride. "We already got this thing in the air. And neither of us have ever flown a plane before."

"So... who's flying the plane?"

Mykklaw smirked. "Well, we may not have too much knowledge in flying, but we do know how to engage the auto pilot."

Vrel scratched his head. "Yep, good job Mykklaw."

"What you talkin bout, Vrellis? I thought you did it?"

"Hm?"

The four all walked casually to the cockpit. Lustig talking along the way with nobody really listening to him.

"Seriously, why do they call it a cockpit? It just sounds so stupid!"

Kegs opened the door and they saw the wheel turning itself.

"Huh, well whoever did good job to them."

"Thank you."

Both Kegs and Lustig jumped into Vrel and Mykklaw''s arms in surprise. All four of them turned their gaze to the floor, where Jiminy Cricket was.

Mykklaw dropped Kegs on the ground.

"Wow, you're really scared easy."

"If it had been a clown-"

"Shut up."

Lustig and Vrel turned their gaze from the floor.

"Hey Vrel?"

"Yeah?"

"Could you please let me down?"

"Oh yeah, sorry. Spaced out there for a moment."

Vrel put Lustig down.

"Yeah, we already had that weird scene from Whose Line, we don't need anything weird here alright."

Mykklaw tilted her head. "What?"

Kegs shook his head.

"I'll tell you about it later. It was actually pretty funny. Ain't that right, medium-rare steak?"

"Shut up." said Vrel and Lustig in unison.

"Well," Jiminy said, "I'll be taking my seat now."

Lustig grabbed a flyswatter from a hook on the wall and killed Jiminy.

"Sorry, that was annoying me."

Lustig scraped the carcass on the wall. As he did so, Kegs turned to the now pilots.

"So how did you know it was Lustig that got you here?"

Both of them suddenly looked surprised. "Wait, what!"

"Hm?"

"Lustig brought us here!"

"Yeah, isn't that why you called for him?"

"We just called for him because we figured this was his private plane or something!"

Kegs looked around to see the LM enterprises logo on about everything, from the seats and walls, to coffee mugs.

"Hey, Mykklaw. I think I see a LM tattoo on the back of your neck."

"Aw, really? Crap."

Vrel tried in vain to check the back of his neck.

"Do I have it?"

Kegs looked at his neck.

"Made in China, dry clean only."

The other three looked extremely surprised.

"Vrel is Chinese?"

"Oh wait, that's his suit. His neck says LM, dry clean only."

Vrel looked relieved.

Lustig sat down in one of the chairs.

"So, what should we do?"

Kegs and Vrel went to sit in the other chair, but Mykklaw got their first, sticking her tongue at the duo. :P

"I don't know, get to our destination?"

"Sure, hey Kegs, want to go see how the main character is doin?"

Vrel tilted his head. "Wait, _we're _not the main characters?"

Kegs opened the door to go to the bathroom. "Lustig, fill them in."

The door closed. Leaving the three sitting, (and in Vrel's case standing) alone with their thoughts, until.

"Wait, what the hell, I'm dry clean only?"

"And why are we here in the first place?"

"I'm gonna go help Lustig, have fun flying the plane."

Lustig darted out of the room.

* * *

Yeah, this chapter could've been better, especially in the end department... but tah hell wit it. Anyway, if anyone wants the bug's seat, (which is regular size, so it won't be squished or anything), then feel free to take it. Anyone? Hello?

Thanks to a Ms. Mykklaw and a Ms. Vrel... I mean Mr. Vrel for participating in the story, don't worry they'll get funny line s of dialogue next chapter, or the next chapter, or the next, but not the one after that, but maybe the one after that...

Anyway thanks for readin. :)


End file.
